I Love You, Jamie
by Total Percabeth
Summary: This is pretty much just Mason's point of view for most the book… cause Mason... I like Mason.
1. Chapter 1

Jamie and I are sitting in the caf during lunch as I'm picking out girls to possibly be his prom date.

"That girl over there?" I point to Clare Armstrong, a short brunette girl at the next table over. She's in one my classes, but I don't know her very well. She seems nice, though, could get along with Jamie. Heck, anybody could, Jamie's the kind of person who can be, and pretty much is friends with everyone.

"Nah, isn't she more your type?" He asks.

I have to keep myself from laughing at that. I doubt that Jamie even knows my type. More of a tall, blond, blue eyes, and freckles type. Caring, smiles and laughs a lot, loyal, heart-on-the-sleeve, and more specifically, male. And sitting right in front of me.

"What about Juliet Polmanski?" I ask, trying to think of which girls don't have a date for prom.

Jamie groans and I know he's thinking what I'm thinking- that Juliet is really shy. And by that, I mean that she hardly says more than two words to anyone other than Emily Leslie, her best, and possibly her only friend. I don't think either of them are planning on going to prom, though.

I'm in the middle of eating a fry when I think of someone who might be a good date for Jamie.

"I know! Lia Marcus. You both do _Gumshoe_ so you could talk about literary magazine stuff."

"I heard she was going to ask Michael Schoenberger," he says as he steals some fries from my plate. I don't mind, though, we've been sharing food for years, considering we've been best friends since grade three.

"Jamie, every girl without a date is asking the Schnozbooger."

"Huh?" Jamie looks confused.

"He's safe, safer than asking some guy you have a crush on, right?" I grin, unable to stop it from spreading across my face as I think of the guy I have a crush on. Okay, so it's more than just a crush, but my point still stands.

"Wait, what?" Jamie asks, not catching what I'm hinting at.

"Come one, Jamie, Everyone think's Michael's gay."

"Gay?" he repeats, looking panicked.

I know Jamie's not homophobic, not even close, as I'm pretty sure he is gay too, but that doesn't stop the cold tightness that grips my heart as I imagine Jamie reacting like that when I come out to him.

I take a few relaxing breaths to calm down, and focus back on our conversation. I shrug as if being gay doesn't seem like a big deal, even though me, and hopefully Jamie too, being gay is a big deal in my heart.

"Michael has a date, I have a date. You, my friend, still need a date."

"You have a date?" Jamie's eyes widen slightly. "Since when?"

"Since I asked Bahti Rajagopolan in physics."

"Huh?"

" _You're_ the one who wants to go to prom, so I'm going," I say, even though I'm not big on the idea of prom in the first place. I'd much rather be, hanging out side by side on either Jamie's or my bed as we watch movies or play video games.

"Thanks, but I still need to find someone to go _with_."

"We don't have to go, we could do something else," I think of this idea I got a few days ago, when Jamie first mentioned that he was wanting to go to prom.

"Like what?" Jamie asked, a hint of suspicion laced in his voice.

"I dunno, go to McCall," I say as if I hadn't been building on this plan for longer than I'd like to admit. "Stay in Frank's condo."

"We never have any fun there," Jamie groans out.

"Without Frank," I add on, hoping to sell him on going with me. I look down the table at a few of our other friends like Kellen and Brodie. "Maybe invite some of the guys?" I'd rather it be just the two of us, but if inviting them meant that he'd go up there with me, then so be it.

"You kidding me?" Jamie asked incredulously, eyebrows raised. "It'd turn into a kegger. My parents would flip-" he pauses, and I guess that the hurt and disappointment must've shown on my face. "We should go to prom. I mean, Bahti's counting on you," he tries a different route.

"Yeah, probably. She's cute, right?" I know it shouldn't really matter whether he thinks she cute or not, and considering his lack of interest in girls, I'd say probably not. But I do want to know if Jamie likes her enough to hang out with her for most of prom night.

"Mmhmm," Jamie hums halfheartedly, and I just continue to watch him, hoping that he'll give a proper answer. "Yeah, cute. Great smile."

I try to not look to relieve. "You think?" He nods.

"I love you, man," I say as I hit his shoulder.

Whenever I say 'I love you' to Jamie, my heart flutters and I can't wait to be able to say it to him and have him know that I mean it in a not-just-friends way. It's a thought that takes up most of my daydreams, being out and together with Jamie, my best friend, my whole world.

I figured out that I was gay during the summer just before freshman year, and I found that I was ogling more of the shirtless guys on the beach and less of the girls in skimpy bikinis. I had always been more interested in guys for the longest time, but seeing both showing so much sweaty skin and still choosing the dudes, well, that's what tipped me off.

I told Jamie that I didn't want to date in high school, claiming that it would be too much drama, but in truth? I was scared. Scared as I was trying to figure out my sexual orientation. Scared as I wondered what Jamie would do, say, or how he would act around me after he knows. Scared of my father, knowing that he wanted me to marry a Latina girl and have a big family, knowing he would be disappointed in me, as though being gay is a choice.

It wasn't too much longer after that that I realized that my feelings for Jamie go past platonic best friends.

It's all the little things. It's how he furrows his eyebrows when he's thinking. It's the way his hair catches the sun, golden in it's light. It's the bright, beautiful blue of his eyes that make me feel like I'm drowning, unable to breath properly. It's the way they light up when he's happy or gets excited. It's how he curls up on his side, mumbles to himself, and sighs as he sleeps. It's the way his hair is ruffled from sleep in the mornings. It's how he looks at me and the way he gives me his undivided attention when I'm talking. It's the way he is fiercely loyal to everyone, his friends and people he's just met alike. It's the way he'll jump in to help with a moment's hesitation. It's his laugh that's contagious, light chuckles, giggles, or full out head-thrown-back laughing making my heart lighter. It's his smile. His goddamn adorable smile that makes my knees go weak.

But mostly, it's the way he feels like home.

I always feel safe when I'm around Jamie, like I can be myself around him.

Which makes it hurts.

It hurts that I can be myself around him.

Because I'm not.

Not really.

I haven't told him.

Which also makes it harder.

Harder to tell him.

Harder to come out because I don't want anything to change.

I can't tell him.

I need to tell him.

 _I love you, Jamie._

I'm laying on my bed later that night, ready to go to sleep when I get a text from Jamie.

 _How bout a limo?_

 **For prom?**

 _Ye_

 **Dunno, wouldn't that be a bit expensive?**

 **Right before college, too**

 _We'd be sharing with Lia, Michael, DeMarco,_

 _and Holland_

 _Plus Bahti and my date_

 **Do you even have a date yet?**

 _:( mean_

 **Just askin**

 **Emily?**

 _Emily _?_

 **Leslie**

 _Juliet's friend?_

 _Does she say much more than Juliet?_

 _Or go anywhere without her?_

 **Idk**

 _Dude_

 **I'm just saying**

 **Isn't she in some of your classes?**

 _Ye_

 _Haven't really talked to her outside class,_

 _tho_

 **How can you expect to find a date if you**

 **keep shooting down everyone I know**

 **who doesn't have one?**

 _:(_

 _Mean_

 _Meanie butt_

 _/3_

 **Sorry, J**

…

 **J?**

 _Nope_

 _/3_

 **I'll bring you cookies tomorrow?**

…

 **Homemade?**

…

… _okay_

 **:)**

 _:)_

 _G2g, need to put the girls to bed_

 **Okay, say good night for me**

 _Will do_

 **Shouldn't they be asleep by now?**

 _They were hiding from mom earlier, so_

 _their baths got delayed_

 _They thank you for wishing them a good_

 _night_

…

 _:(_

 **What?**

 _:(_

 _:(_

 **Alight, alright**

 **Good night, Jamie, hope you sleep**

 **wonderfully beneath the moon and stars**

 **xoxo**

 **Better?**

 _:)_

 _Yes, thank you_

 **Go to bed , you big baby**

 _-_- zzzzz_


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning in gym class found me playing football with most of the guys. I glanced around, analyzing who is where in the field and who is on what team. It's pretty easy to know who's on your team; either they have their shirt on, or they don't. I'm on the shirt's side today, and though I'd rather be on the skin's side, what with it being a hot day and all that, I do get to tackle other guys who are not wearing shirts. Just because I like Jamie specifically, that doesn't mean that I can't appreciate having half naked guys around.

At the end of class, I'm staring at the sky as I wait for Jamie to finish his run around the field and after a few moments he jogs up behind me.

Jamie stares up at the sky with me and a part of me just wants to turn and press a light kiss on his cheek. The sun is lighting up his hair into a light gold and his face looks angelic. Then, I can't help but think of what my dad would do or say if he knew half of the thoughts that fly through my head. "I can't wait to get outta here." I say for the hundredth time. "Live my own life." My life where, ideally, I could kiss Jamie whenever I wanted to and hold him close and not have to hold back those words I long to say.

 _I love you, Jamie._

"So with you. Frank wants me to mow lawns all summer."

"Lawns, as in, plural?"

"Yeah. For his friend Sal." His nose scrunches up slightly, clearly not liking the idea.

"And you don't want to, I take it."

"Bingo." Jamie nudged my shoulder before going towards the door.

Wanting to spend a bit more time with just him, I call out "Jamie," and launch the football that I was holding at him. He catches it and runs a few steps back before throwing it back to me. I grab the football and start running towards him, zig-zagging to see if he'll tackle me. He does. He caught me by my waist and my momentum makes us spin around. I grabbed the arm around me and hold it tight against my chest. When we slow down enough, we fall to the ground, laughing.

"Dork, I was tackling you," Jamie said, flipping over onto his back.

"Nah, total touchdown," I claim, holding the football up, in a mock proud gesture.

"Touchdown? Not even close," Jamie scoffed, and snatched the ball from my hand. I keep my hand in the air, now pointing at the sky. Jamie lies back down to look with me.

I can't help but think about the next few months and how much will change. I won't have to share a room with Gabe, I won't have my father yelling at me in Spanish, I won't have him pestering me about having a 'big latina family', and I won't have to work with him. I won't have to worry about what would happen if he ever found out that I'm not interested in a _chica_ let alone a _latina_.

"Just a few more weeks," Jamie says, clearly thinking along similar lines as me.

"I hope I survive. Five APs and Purdy's exam. It all just might kill me," I groan.

"You'll ace 'em." Jamie speaks with genuine confidence and looks at me with such a complete look of pride that I just have to believe him.

"Thanks, man," I grin back with a chuckle.

"So, about prom," he says as he stand up, grabbing my hands to help me up. "You want to share a limo with me, Holland, DeMarco, Lia, and Michael?"

It's after Jamie asked about the limo did I remember that I didn't actually answer the question last night.

"Don't you need a date first?" I ask again, hoping he'd get discouraged about the whole prom thing.

"Ouch," he clutched his chest.

I can't help but smile. "See? McCall." Trying again to sway Jamie's thinking. I don't understand why he wants to go so badly, to me it's just an over glorified dance that's going to be full of sweaty people and too loud music. I personally would take a weekend with quality time with Jamie, somewhere no one knows us, and we can pretend to be an actual couple. Well, I can pretend. Jamie won't know, and I won't tell him. If he knew I was gay, then Gabe, Londa, my mother and father would eventually find out, because Jamie's that much of an excited puppy that he wouldn't be able to keep it hidden. He can hardly keep his 'secret' a secret from me.

"No McCall. Bahti will kill you if you back out, and I told Michael we'd share a limo." Mentally, I scoff at that. Bahti. As if she means so much to me that I would rather make her happy by taking her to prom than spending proper time with Jamie. I shake my head and start to walk inside.

"It'll be fun," Jamie calls after me. "Promise."

" _McCall_ would be fun," I say over my shoulder, still walking. I can feel his eyes on me as I run a hand through my hair, and I grin. Maybe my far off fantasy of being with Jamie isn't so far off after all.


End file.
